One thing I have realized

I have recently been thinking about relationships with men. I am afraid of them now, I am uncomfortable with the idea of meeting someone and being with them. I am afraid of intimacy and trusting someone seems impossible. Why should I set myself up like I did the last time. I say I would be in another relationship but thats easy there is no one around. I can't imagine being on my own forever but I have to face it, I am fat, unattractive and boring. I have a certain person in mind as in what I want and I don't think it will ever be met. Men are something that will use you for what they want, and they don't mind playing nice to get it. Its all a game to them I think, I had a husband who talks about me still as if the whole life we had and how it went wrong was all my fault. I had a man who I loved who treated me like dogshit. He got laid and had a place to stay when he came to town and thats all that he wanted, just had to put up with me to get it, but then again he was always out to save himself some cash so he was like a lot of men a hole is a hole I guess. I was so stupid and probably still am.