Alone

Yup I am alone again now. The man that I love was here for a bit, got called back early but it was so nice to have him here. He told me one day while we were out that while he is here its his job to take care of me. That touched me a lot. He took out the garbage, did the dishes and that was so good. I live on my own and having someone else do that for me is in my mind a thoughtful thing. I mean face it its something that has to be done and every now and again its nice to come home and not have to worry about it.
He went to the store got me some tissues and cold medicine, he got me vaseline for my split nose. He also kissed me while I snorted and sneezed with a cold. To me thats love, because he didn't care because he loved me and wanted to be with me. I mean when we have dried sore skin and runny noses we don't feel attractive. He never makes me feel like I am not. He never says you know what you should lose a few pounds or maybe you should have your hair that way. Now he is supportive, he will encourage me if I want to do something or suggest it but its because I want to not because he wants me to.
I love him dearly and miss him when he goes. Miss him while he is gone and just want to be near him while he is here.

TV

I watch a lot of TV. I live alone, I work shift work, I live in a town where the weather is really tempermental. But even as a kid I watched tv and we only had CBC back then LOL. I do like a bit of everything. I have a dish so I have a lot of channels. You can learn a lot about things watching tv. I like the help programs, the money shows, the food shows. I have a liking for things involving crime, I think its because it gives you a look at how people think. What makes a person think or do things that "normal' people do. I do like shows like Hells Kitchen, Next top model, amazing race, shows I normally would have said no way. I worked a lot of evenings so missed out on shows for a few years. Now its more tv time for me! Couch potato, sofa spud, even have my laptop on a tv table LOL. I love my TV LOL!

Hmmm living on your own

I am sitting here in my slovenly shirt, messy hair and know maybe its not a good thing a person live on their own for too long. I just burped you see and I thought I did it in a piggish way. But who is here to hear it? LOL need to pretend I have someone coming around I guess so I change my ways LOL
step one....find a razor shave legs before I have to braid the hair
step two....wash that grey right out of my hair
step three....do something with my nails

get a life!! LOL

Makes you think and put things in perspective

I have bad days, not as much as I used to and that all depends on what that day brings, lack of sleep, lack of food, hormonal etc. I do try to get out of my funks in different ways. First off don't dwell if I can help....its like a whirlpool you get caught up and it twists and twists and twists and all it does is drag you down. So one thing I try to do is say to myself so really whats so bad in your life? You have your health, so thats a good thing, you have your family, I can pick up the phone and call them...and I have a lot to call! I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge, and I have heat, tv, internet so where is the problem. I can downsize where some people don't have that option. Its not the greatest life but its still mine. When I talk to my children I have learned that I say I love you when I say good bye.....because it could be the last time I talk to them ever. No one plans to die. I really do believe that that saying don't sweat the small stuff is true. I just have to decide whats small in relation to other things.

Dreams

Night before last I had a weird nap dream thing. I sometimes find that those dreams that happen in 20 minutes or so can have very vivid dreams. I dreamt that I was in HIS town in a hotel, my kids were there as well and I was sitting there waiting for him to show up. He was late, but when he showed up he had is daughter with him and introduced me to her..her name was Brenna and she was about 16 dark hair, looked a bit like him. Thing is he doesn't have a daughter. Another part of the dream was we were naked on a balcony...yeah I know weird and weirder. He put a ring on my finger in the dream, it changed but it was still there. I sometimes look online on dream sites...heres what it said about a ring:

*To see a ring in your dream, symbolizes emotional wholeness, continuity and commitments. If the ring is on your finger, then it signifies your commitment to a relationship or a successful new endeavor. It also indicates your loyalty to your ideals, responsibilities, or beliefs.

*To dream that you receive a ring, denotes that your suspicions and worries over you lover will end. You will come to realize that he is true to his heart and will devote himself to your interest.

I don't know what to think of that. Is a dream just a dream?

Ho Hum

Been a few days I know. No progress on any fronts these days. Normal things that people take for granted, like waking up with someone they love, sitting down watching TV or going for a ride in a car and holding hands....thats not a daily part of my life. Spending time with family and friends is rare as well. Seems like I spend a lot of time alone or working. I said last night while chatting with HIM I would love to be able to work about six weeks straight then have at least a week off. Taking time off is hard to do when your job doesn't have paid days off, sick days etc. A little bit of normalcy would be nice.

Stop the world I want to get off!

Yeah I know its been awhile if anyone reads these things. I have been busy with work. too much work and no play. All it seems to be that I do is go to work, come home and maybe get to chat with HIM if he is on the road. I did try to gamble and of course lost. So here I am back here when I have some time off. Yesterday I finally got frustrated and ate, and ate and ate. Matter of fact still eat. Nothing better to do sometimes. Hoping to get some things sorted out next week at the hospital. Then getting taxes done, I just have to manage my money better when I have any...just in case this job goes ass up which seems loaming in the near future.
Need a mental kick in the butt...but right now this is it