Ugggg

I just got up, getting my kids ready for school, made them smooties, had a glass of it myself and ran my tongue over my lips and found I have a cold sore!! Bleah. I haven't had one in almost 18 months :(. I can't be run down or stressed, unless its all leaving my body from the last few weeks. I have to work tonight then off tomorrow then work 5 days maybe more. So now what do I do I will be run down by then. Although at work we are dealing with a kid who is creating a lot of issues. Oh well not like I have to worry about being with anyone or meeting anyone.

Busy Busy Busy

I have been clearing out a few things. I got rid of furniture I didn't want, going to get rid of a sucky surround sound ( my ex is buying it off me, moved the DVD player out of my bedroom) and need to sort out a few more things. I have picked up a extra 20 hours on this pay and extra 28 on the next...so far. My clothes well thats another whole ball of wax. I found some jeans that fit me nice at a local store so looking at getting rid of the ones I have that don't fit properly (after 2 years they are a bit worn anyways.).
I have played my new brain age and ds and I have the brain age of a 65 year old and looking at getting some more games in the next couple of months. I want to get the Wii set up out here in the living room, now I have got rid of some of the furniture I have more room. But first thing I need to do is sort out what I NEED.
I worked in a different location today and I really enjoyed it and considering changing my workplace to there. Its closer to my home.
I also now have a real mould issue, which I have to try and sort out soon. Oh yes and one of my appliances doesn't work properly.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right....I have got to be on life support by now....I don't want to tempt fate and say it can't get any worst...because it can!!! God give me strength!

Quotes

I saw this on facebook and really liked it....
"sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"

Just wondering when things will fall together for me.

Curiousity Killed the Cat

OK maybe its just me but it seems there are too many people who I haven't heard from in awhile suddenly calling me to ask if I had heard from the man that I love. So I am wondering why? I mean its been over a month now so why all the questions. Have you heard from him? How are you doing? Its like do they know something I don't know? Then they talk about not wanting to be single here in this town. Gee thanks for the encouragement. I dont' know anymore, and thing is if I am being overly suspicious can you blame me? I know its hard to be single anywhere and then its the fact of them then asking if I am talking to anyone new....ummmmmm no. Its a case of leaving sleeping dogs lie I think. I am trying to do that.

Conselling part 2

Well Iwent to see my counsellor today. I really enjoyed it. Now she is helping me with my finances. Thats going to be a doozie considering what a mess I am. I have been neglectful to say the least and in danger of messing up a lot of things. I guess its all self destructive and to be honest there are days I dont' know why I carry on. Maybe getting rid of everything would be good although I can't...how could I blog!! LOL

End of another Era

Just talking to my ex and he informed me that he had the dog put down this morning. Poor old thing he was 11 years old but apparently he got dirty this last week, and he would lay in it. I have been asked not to tell the kids, he will just say that the dog ran off. We have a lot of wild animals so I guess maybe he is hoping they will think a wolf or a bear got it. My daughter loves that damn dog and she will be very upset. I wish I could get a animal but like my ex said he won't get another one because of his work and I can't get one either because of mine. So sad.
When I called up his old bag of a girlfriend answered the phone. I hate the fact that he has someone in his life, she might not be much but why should he be happy and I am all alone and lonely. I better get used to it I guess. I hate life.

Hoo Hum

Well its the doldrums for me again. One good thing I think my home is now a little more secure than it was before, and finally someone actually thought I was right. I know there were things missing in my home, and I was adamant. Last week my doorknob was lose again, so I got the screwdriver and tightened it. Nope it was lose then it would swing open when locked. Not good when your working nights. So my ex or still husband whatever it is finally tried to do something about it. We found out part of it was missing. So this morning he came down after he dropped his girlfriend off at work and bought me a new doorknob and put it on and cut me some keys. Now I am more secure.
Tomorrow is next counselling appointment. I am in two minds on that one still. She didn't even remember that I was trying to see her last week. Not sure what I am going to say. Yup still nothing from the man I love, nope I haven't tried to commit suicide yet, nope I don't feel like I should yet, yes I have my kids with me, my lifes still screwed up and I am tired of people telling me how to live.
Kind of off for a week now besides a shift in the middle of it, but its OK. I need to sort out some clothes, shoes, and items in my kitchen. I have to see if I can get insurance to cover work on my porch. I will try and cook for my kids, I was looking at my food situation and its pretty gross, not going to buy any fruit for awhile it just goes off, so now I am doing a list of what to buy and no more meat welll ok chicken breast but thats it. I seem to be continuously getting rid of stuff but also buying in large amounts! Its that feeling of something to look forward to I guess. I have been invited to a wedding in St Thomas next April, my cousins daughter is getting married, she said it would be great to party on a 7 day cruise with me!
I have got to stop this buying bulimia thing that I do, I can't afford it!! Oh well one day my life will seem calmer. Right now I don't want to be a strong independant woman I want to be someone to someone, and thats not going to ever happen again probably.
My ex husband once said to me it was a good job he was marrying me because no one else would. I think he is right I can't even get a man to want to be with me.