Floundering

Thats what I feel like I am doing. I am tired, a little run down and wondering what to do next. I have to work tonight then off for a few days. I am dragging my feet on a few things, things that only take a few minutes to do but right now I am procrastinating. I am thinking now of what to do, I have still my bills to pay and I have new things but I need some personal things. I would like to go get my hair done, do things like that, but in reality clothing is hard to find in this town to fit me.
OK now I think I just had a bathroom breakthough. LOL not exactly the thinker pose but I was in there comtemplating my life. I don't have any excitement or pleasure in it. I work all the time but what do I do when I am not working...nothing. I used to get excited when he would come to town, it was looking forward to something. I didn't excited until I knew he was on his way and I think that was so I didn't get disappointed ( a common thing in my life). In my marriage there was a lot of disappointment. My shopping is because it gave me something to look forward to. Although I do think that I shop because I like nice things, and I used to be pretty smart looking once upon a time. I get overworked, get frustrated and tired and as soon as I get into the clear I start spending again because I am not content, I am not happy and think those things that I buy will make me happy. So I have created a good web for myself.
I was watching a show with Wayne Dyer in it, and I would love to read the book. Its called excuses begone. He had a young man on there who had been in a fire. Makes you think of what dumb excuses we use to not do anything when there is a young man who has no hands learning to tie his shoes and play the drums. LOL shopping again but then again I have to balance myself.
My counsellor is gone now and I may have to wait awhile to get a new one. Small steps and deep breaths. I have to realize that in my life that there was a lot of things that have happened and its not going to change overnight. But I need to change some things soon.