Too Damn Early

I am awake before 6 am again. Hateful it is. Between my puppy and my bladder I had no chance. I have to go to work this morning. Days until next Monday, 12 hours dragging out before me every day. I try not to take my computer with me anymore. I also only have one now the laptop I got from him is now going to be the kids. I don't need two, well not two laptops, I do like desktops but not too worried about having one. Today I have to get another mole removed, going to have to take my son down as well for his appointment.
I had a problem with my mother and taking care of my nephew. I emailed my sister last night and said that my mom feels that my daughter can't cope with him and either herself or myself should be there. So I am thinking OK so she expects my daughter to go down and be there when she needs her. She is waiting to go see the doctor herself and she feels that she may have had a mini stroke. So I suggested that my sister look for someone to take care of him for a couple of weeks. Not fair to expect us to be down there for nothing. What would my daughter do if my mom is being bossy and doing stuff then she gets sick. Part of my stop being me and start being me process. I was talking to my counsellor about it yesterday. Making a few changes, I have issues now with money so don't borrow and don't lend. I have to lose weight, eat properly, going to spend less time online ( at the hospital once or twice a week helps on that front LOL). I am glad I decided to take that step to go see a counsellor. I denied a lot of things but now I am making a effort to make a change, and my counsellor says a lot of things I am doing are normal when it comes to my addictions. I have to take more control now of it all. Still don't know why I fear people so much but she says maybe its a self esteem thing.
I also do the avoidance thing. So part of it now is looking at what I am doing. Yes I am a gambler and its no good for me. I am not going to keep everyone happy and first thing I have to do is change myself. I am a procrastonator, I am a dreamer, I have a lot of fears about things. Thats why I have a mess. I try to do things get it half done. I need to be more motivated. I need help a lot of help!