Its been a year

Well its been a year since he left. I didn't know at that time that that would be the last time I would see him. I was expecting to see him the week later.....instead I got treated like a bag of shit.
I am not over it, probably never will be, but I am going on with my life. Maybe if he was still in my life I wouldnt' be going to school doing the social work program.
A lot of what ifs.
My friend has been driving me crazy with negativity and I am so picking up on it. I am eating self destructive behaviour is back again.... I don't know how to handle it! I don't want to give in and gamble but then again I don't know what to do with myself.
Clean my home which has been a wreck since I started school, do some school work ...lots to do but I am not motivated.

I gave in

Yup I have been in a self destruct unsettled mode for the last couple of weeks. Am I beating myself up about it now, no because for some reason I have been feeling out of sorts. Right now its not such a bad day I don't think. Life is going about the usual pace and I am starting to want more.