Wish I could fly

I have been having a hellish week and tonight just put a cherry on top! My brother in law wanted to make a deal with me, he wanted me to sign my salmon tags over to him and in return out of seven I would get one. I said nope I want 2. But then I thought about it, I as a Aborginal person and a beneficiary of NG am entitled to seven salmon tags, only seven per household. The tags would be issued in my name and I could sign them to him to harvest the salmon for ME. I discussed it with my brother that I wasn't comfortable giving away things that were in my name. So I told my sister in a email I had changed my mind. I got a phone call from him which escalated into him cursing me, yelling at me calling me names because I didn't want to go along with his deal. So I am assuming that it was crooked from the start. I bet anything he was going to sell them, which is illegal and could drag me into a court case which I can not be a part of, due to the degree course I am doing I would have to make sure I didn't jeopardise my future for him.
Meanwhile I am in the process of taking exams and admission interviews for the program I am applying for. I think if I don't get in I am going to move to Halifax and go to university out there, take my kids, my husband even though we aren't together would move with us.
Time to make some tough choices. I will not be around my brother in law, family occasions I will not be attending if he is there. I dont' need the abuse and neither does my children and family members. I will have to find alternative ways back and forth to school I will not ride with my sister, my daughter isn't taking care of their child. I had to stop my daughter from getting on the phone,although she did tell my sister that she would not be taking care of their kids and her husband is a asshole LOL.

OH yeah I say life goes on...

Yes it does no matter what happens thats it you have to keep living. I am trying to unwind a little and relax. Tomorrow I am going to study my ass off. Not a lot for a fat woman...I have no ass LOL. I have my written exam for my application for entrance to the school of social work. I had a very stressful week. My marks took a bit of a plunge and I have to get back on track...now. But I have been so tired, its hard, I have been under so much pressure. BUT I have good children. My daughter is fantastic, bit of a attitude but then again she is 15 but she acts like my mother. I would love to have some one clean my house. I am tired, I have the dishes done, the laundry has been started BUT I need the floors and bathroom doing and a few other things. Going to school and it taking up so much of my time the house is suffering, and in a way so are my kids. I have no money but my daughter has been babysitting and thanks to yard sales she has been able to outfit herself fairly well. I wish I could do that for myself. I am tired. I am going to lay down and relax..it will be tomorrow before I know it. Maybe get some ice cream as a treat for now. LOL like a bowl of chocolate ice cream is going to make a difference to me at this time of night!

Tired so very tired

I am so exhausted. I may not seem like it in my life to see me but I am. Schoolwork and applications have been so big in my life at the moment. I have my entrance written exam on Monday and I am not ready. I am going to relax until Sunday and then crack on it. I am not sure what I want. I know what I want I want a "normal' life, a man who loves me, a secure home, a secure good paying job and not have to worry about what a shit life I am having and the shittier life my children are having. I am providing zero support for anyone, with financial or emotional or physical. I am desperately burnt out, working on papers trying to remember what I want to do about things. I am alone in so many ways. I am considering giving things up just go fuck it all...and give up. I know I am venting because this is the point of my life where I am wondering what the hell am I doing? I would love to win the lottery tonight...life would be so much easier...well guess tons of money means a whole new set of problems!