Ohhhh Myyyyyy

Busy busy busy. I am not sure what to do anymore! I only have two weeks of school left but I have a ton of work! My job is gone, but I have been called into work. So at least I have a little bit of money coming in December. I am tired of doing it all on my own. I would like someone to share Christmas with, and my birthday. I will be sharing it with my kids of course...love them to bits. But will be at my exhusbands for Christmas and get to see what he bought himself for Christmas and what his dummy girlfriend bought him. I will get my boots. I am getting a gift from my daughter this year though, which will be nice! So I am hoping to have money to treat myself once everything else has been taken care of. But I would like to be someone special to someone else. Have a special Christmas for a change. I always find this time of year stressful. I can't afford much in life. I have always been struggling and thats what it feels like Christmastime..one big struggle. I would love a good Christmas for a change.
Oh well life is life we make it what it is. Life could be a hell of a lot worst. One good thing is I don't have to work over the holidays but if they ask me to I will. But I am feeling like staying home for a bit, cooking for my children and having a break. Odd shift here and there...works for me! LOL I was thinking of getting a winter coat for myself for Christmas! Also want a really nice handbag, some books and chocolate. Just have to get a couple of shifts to make that happen. Thats all I want in a month about four shifts. My kids have a lot this year....I have to get a couple more gifts for them but thats in the budget. I don't buy for friends or anything like that...I don't have the money so we decided that years ago its good to have friends who understand. Actually I normally never buy myself anything but the exhusband has been treating himself....so if I can I will too LOL.

Something I wrote a few years ago...

I wrote this a few years ago and I keep losing it and finding it! So writing it here now once again...guess its words I need to live by:

I have accepted being fat. I have to accept myself as someone who has value, who has a good heart,and someone who is intelligent and whitty. Not be self depreciating, not ashamed of recieving a compliment, not to blame all that goes wrong on me, not to get uptight over rejection. I am worthy of the love and the support I recieve. Smile and be gracious and not argue. The only person who can make a difference on the inside is myself, even if its just to allow others to help me make a difference. Doesn't that sound easy!!

Thats the thing...it sounds easy but I have to take control once again!

I just don't know anymore

Why is it so hard to be a parent? I think the girl is lying to me now, probably smoking and there is some kind of attitude going on. So she wants to be trusted, so all we ask is she is in by 10 pm changed her curfew, tomorrow night is a issue she wants to be out on the weekend...work in the morning so I said 11:30 and she wasn't fussy on that idea. She is sixteen. As in most situations there is nothing you can do about teenagers. No discipline, not saying I would do anything to her but she knows there isnt' much we can do. No consequences. She knows if we throw out a ultimatum with her she is going to throw one back. Thing is her dad will take away something she really wants, so what will she do then? Hmmmm quit school, then its no school you have to work and pay rent, won't work...then were are we? I am tired, I don't need this crap.

What a pain

So think I have a few things sorted out, seems to be going fairly smoothly. Then again today bang kids and exhusbands pop up again. I am so tired of this shit. If I am going to be successful with this going to school...I need to be able to focus. Its scary. I have people laughing at me. I don't like it, being made fun of for something like a learning disability is not nice. But that tells me of the quality.