I am tired of it

I worked with someone yesterday who I like most of the time but she has this irritating habit. She can't see things any other way but hers, she has no understanding of others and their situations. We were talking about hours, I said I automatically thing well they have partners in their lives they are alright. She looked at me and jumped down my throat, I made the choice to end my marriage so thats my fault. Excuse me but you know what thats right it was a choice that I made but thats a automatic thought and would not ever use that to try and get hours....BUT my marriage wasn't perfect, I didn't divulge anything and so what if I had decided, or he decided but don't throw that in my face. I said to her its a automatic thought I don't know what others moneys situation is like but thats something that I think of and its there. But I didn't like being attacked. So because I ended things and we get along now doesn't mean that we got along while we were married. Another thing is that there was a lot of put downs and I didn't want that anymore....seems like I am dealing with it again.
What do I do, guess I have to put up with it... not like I am not used to it. But thing is no one should have to...from anyone.

My poor puppy

My daughter just called me to let me know her dad had to leave work to take the puppy to the vet. Apparently she had let the puppy outside and the german sheppard next door had a go at her. So she had a puncture on her nose poor little thing. She had been outside, my daughter heard them at it and when she went out to see the little thing was as far away from the other dog as she could get. I said to my exhusband he should be given the vet bill and be made to pay my husbands lost wages for that couple of hours. Hopefully they will do something with that damn dog!

What a weekend LOL

OK so I found out on Friday the school stuff may still be possible. I am OK right now with my hours I think. I went out spent some money, ate out, went out for a couple of hours, on Saturday I went yard saling and for a ride. Then I went to work in the evening. That was Saturday evening, I was home for about half a hour yesterday morning and went back in at 8:30 yesterday morning and worked until this morning! But it was OK I now have enough hours to make it more comfortable for me. I did indulge myself a little this weekend but it was good it was something that I needed big time. Almost felt like someone with a normal life. I am off today and have 4 days coming up! OH nooooo LOL. I have to do some tidying here today but thats OK too I don't have any plans to go out until later, someone is coming to town and bringing money for some things I sold on facebook! Keep myself going on that money. Still kind of broke but thats OK I have a lot of stuff in this place.
I am feeling a little more relief and less frantic.

85 steps backwards

well was just talking to work and I may be losing hours. I can't afford to lose any! I just found out I am able to work and go to school though which is good!

I don't need this

I don't need to be online and see constant reminders of child abuse, dog abuse, elder abuse, sexual abuse, poverty and war. I know it exists. It seems like exposing people to images and videos are the thing to approach these subjects but I don't want to see it. I am not turning a blind eye to it I just don't think that people need that in your face way of dealing with it.
I am trying to raise my children with the knowledge of whats right and whats wrong. I am trying to make them aware of respect for themselves and others. I try to communicate with them as best I can. I have been telling my son that he needs to treat a woman the way he would want myself and his sister to be treated. I am making sure my daughter is strong and doesn't' end up in relationships that are wrong.
I try to donate what I can, I try to inform SPCA of abuse if I see it. I can't afford to financially support things but that doesn't mean I ignore them.
I just don't think showing pictures of actual cases is the right way to do it. Its to the point that its desensitizing not getting the shock factor they are looking for.

Another small step...

I think I have sold some more things. I am glad. Its clothes, brand new but never worn. I probably won't wear it so time to get rid of it. I have some clothes I purchased and its time for that to go as well. I am looking at a couple of hundred dollars coming in the mail if it all goes the way I want it to. What am I going to do with it? Part of it will go on bills and as much as I can keep will go into the bank. Won't be much left to put into the bank, but its a little bit more than what I had. My friend wants to go out for dinner on Friday I wish she would realize that I don't know what I can do from one day to the next and once I get a little more secure I won't be able to pick up and go like they seem to do.

Organization and Prioritizing

I sometimes think of what I am. I am a person who is a daydreamer and a procrastinator and I often try not to let people down. I need to change that. I need to get myself organized and prioritize. I always say I am broke not poor. I like nice things, I have nice things, I have a lot of things. I have a mortgage I pay myself I had a loan last year to get the bathroom totally redone and the floors and painting done. Credit is a dangerous thing for a gambler. I don't cope well sometimes and I go back into bad behaviour. I am not poor, I have my cable, I have the internet and cell phones etc and nice jewelry and clothes and cosmetics. I have food in my freezer and cupboards. I am purchasing a few things now for my home, but thats for the home to make it more comfortable for myself. My husband was saying to me yesterday you don't NEED to pick up the lamp, but I feel I do, its on sale, I have no lamp ( my brothers one is here but I don't want to take advantage of it, even though my shed is full of his crap). I just need to get organized and get things on track. Working the hours that I work has thrown me off track. I want new things for here and this is the chance I just need to pay the bills first not always get what I want.
I don't need much only to pay my bills, rest and eat properly. One day I am hoping to get back on track. My home is not so hectic and I have to get rid of the stuff I can't sell. I have to get the time and the energy to do a cooking day, get the supplies and go for it. If I have food frozen it will be easier for me to eat. I need to start picking up bottled water etc for the school lunches for the kids.
Its just a long road to travel on.

If you looked...

up exhausted in the dictionary there would be my picture. Had the night from hell last night at work and today wasn't much better. I am getting to the point I can't rest properly. One more night shift tonight. I wish I had some excitement in my life. Its a bad way to be, nothing to look forward to. I mean payday is on Friday and its GONE. I have sold a few things in the last couple of days, its looking better in here already.
So none of my plans have come to be, never got to walk or rest properly this summer. I didn't get a few things that I wanted to and to be honest going to school isn't looking too good right now either.
I always bounce back. Its this time of year gets me down as well but I love the fall. I love the change in the weather (although right now I am wondering if the rest of my life I am going to get sore like I have since the cooler weather and rain showed up), its so nice. But I think I have a touch of that seasonal stuff. Oh well.... got to keep bouncing I guess. LOL two days off coming up and I can SLEEP!!

One step forward...

LOL yeah I hoping no steps back. I did throw out a bunch of things this morning and I have also sold a couple of things just to get rid of it. I went through a bunch of photos threw out a bunch of out of focus ones or scenic ones from when we lived in germany and the UK. I mean no good for us to have those, the kids will have some wedding pics of us as well for when they are older. I threw out a card and the frame i had it in from the man that I loved as well, no need in keeping that.
One step is good, now whats my next step going to be...

"Stuff"

I was just in the shower thinking about all my "stuff". I don't need all this stuff. I have wayyyy too much stuff. if my house burned down tonight what would I want to save. Well it won't burn down I am hoping because I am still trying to sort out the insurance LOL. Seriously maybe the kids pictures some jewelry and my grasswork bowl my grandmother made for me the christmas before she died. My grandmother could do a lot of aboriginal crafts and I often wish I could have learned it from her.
But stuff is stuff, if everyone is alive its OK. I am going to seriously think about having a yardsale and get rid of a shitload of things. I have a bunch of books I want to read and some cook books I want to try out but there are several I won't even open so off they go.
God help me because I am going to need it.

I ammmmm

EXHAUSTED. I am so friggin tired I broke down and gambled money I didn't have again today. I am so frustrated right now, I am tired, really down about things. I am tired of stuff, I am tired of trying to find good food to eat... pass me the damn chips. Getting rid of a few things purely out of frustration. I just put my Wii fit online, had it almost a month and its still in the box I am just too tired to bother. I want a normal life, I want to not have to worry about things. Damn it I wish I was stronger these past few days. Tired of being alone and having to do things all on my own. I hate life right about now!!! I need rest but no rest for me for another couple of days and months to scrape up some kind of life!!

Oops guess what I did LOL

Well I had just about enough of others today. I worked all day did my twelve hours, and was thinking the whole time I was there. I got frustrated with it all and then my friend was texting me. So I told him what i thought of it all, he was floored and shocked thats what I thought. i told him straight and he didn't know what to think. He is going to back off a bit now but I tell you he is laying the GUILT on me thick and you know what I don't care!
Then my old gambling buddy pops on to messenger yacking away,,, got tired of her pretty quick. Asking me always about working and how much I work. I said listen I need $300 to start my insurance, I need that this week. She said surely you will have that I said not after my bills are paid. I said well thing is no one seems willing to lend me money and thats OK because I know who my friends are and who I can rely on. Thing with her is she never had any problems asking me for a loan for more than that and she can't help a friend out..fuck that I am not doing it anymore!!!!
LOL who needs friends right LOL

Difficult Days

OK so my friend is in town yayyyyy right. Well one problem, he has now made it quite obvious why he wants to see me. I mean I feel like I am being pressured and I don't like it. I am making excuses not to meet up and of course he is calling and texting all the time. I certainly didn't expect this. I am not interested in sex to be honest with you. I haven't had sex since March and that was fine. Got myself into a fine mess now haven't I. HATE IT!!!

Tired and tired and tired

Yup I am pretty tired. I went out this evening, spent money I didn't have to spend as per usual. I picked up some new pajamas for myself so tonights the last night for this holey nightie I have on. Only fit for the garbage now. I am going through a lot of things and trying to clear out. I am not poor, I am broke LOL. I wish I had a little more energy and time off. I have to do a couple of things tomorrow but not too early. I need a maid LOL!

OH Dear

LOL I just worked 3 nights and tried to be good with food. I was just napping and dreamt I was eating All dressed chips and they were soooooooooooo good, and I am not really fond of them either LOL guess I am craving chips after a few days. Not sure how I am doing with the food but I am trying!

Slow start

Well last night I tried to start with the cutting back on the "junk". I didn't get anything at Tim's on the way to gambling group. I did break down and have a cookie at group. I did make my supper at work last night which was quesidillas BUT that was the only thing I ate there. I had a cereal bar this morning after work, I ate a bagel and had a smoothie for lunch and now for supper I had a plate of leftovers made into "bubble and squeak", I always just cook it in a little oil, fry up a onion then add lots of pepper. I feel good too because I haven't wasted much of the leftovers. I can't wait to get my new microwave then it will be bags of smartpop when I want something junky. I have to start exercising now as well. I have to cut up more fruit to take to work with me tonight. I am a grazer and try now to try healthier stuff. I bought a bunch of 100 calorie snack stuff the other day that way if I have a craving a little bag should take care of the worst of it.
One of my goals is not to waste too much food, I think in Chatelaine magazine there was a article on food wastage and I am guilty of it. I am one to buy stuff then end up going to work and next thing I haven't opened my fridge for 3 days and bang its gone off. I am trying to make sure I don't waste too much and threw out a bunch of stuff yesterday and before I go to work there are some old clothing I am going to bin. Its no good to keep things that I am not going to wear because it shrunk or is ratty looking. I have "good" clothes.

Another Nice Surprise

I just was talking to my mom and she is coming up this morning for a visit. She said my brother sent me up a Artic Char on the weekend. I am not normally a fish person and I do have 7 Salmon in my freezer BUT I am also trying to lose some weight so fish will be good! So it was nice of my brother to get me one!

A Nice Surprise

I was online and got a message from my friend who was gone into camp. He is working here in town so wants to go for a drink one night. I told him sure no problem, be nice to see him again. He called me and we had a long chat, we don't normally get the chance to talk he has a jealous wife but thats OK to I am not interested like that. He was a great friend and missed him when he left the last time. It was nice to have attention in a positive way from a man back then and it was that friendship that made me realize that I didn't want to be online with men who only wanted sex, that wasn't fufilling my needs. I realized that sex wasn't what I wanted and needed from a man I liked the idea of talking to a man and passing time with them. I had decided not to be that same person when I got a email asking me to meet from the man that I fell in love with. Then I got to know him first before the physical stuff came into play. Oh my things in my life haven't been easy. I wish it had been in a way but I wouldn't change meeting either one of these men.

Oh well

I didn't go out last night. I thought about it and thought OK so I am tired, I don't want to deal with other womens opinions (my friend I was thinking was going to be in full rant last night) so I laid down and slept. I would have been too tempted to gamble especially if there were crowds etc. So I opted out I took the phone off the hook and laid down. Now I am glad I did. I was just talking to my friend...not a good idea. I hate the fact she is so resentful of her ex husband. I don't want to deal with that negativity. Time to get on with my own life without here for a few days again now. I don't hate men, I hate what the men in my life have done to me but not all men are the same. I have tried talking to her about how to let it all go and how two people play parts in things. I am going to cook my chicken today and say the hell with everyone else, and I don't want to gamble today if I can help it. I spoke to the woman I go to group with about it and she is going to call me.
I try not to be negative but its hard and I think I am depressed slightly again. I need to change my focus and do something to get out of this funk. Like I said I feel that depression is like walking on the waters edge, sometimes the waves are little tiny ones there but barely touching you to the big swells you get on stormy windy days. I would say its a bit windy on my beach the last few days. I have to change that. My horizons need to be sunny and calm!

It was kind of sad

Yesterday was my anniversary, I was married 16 years ago. As bad as it was I don't like the fact that it didn't work out. I thought I had found the one and was happy I had waited and had my "fun" before getting married.
Now I am single dumped and down because I guess I going to be alone for a long long time.

Going and going and going

Well I got off work this morning and hit the yard sales. I then went to the store and picked up a few things and came home and have been trying to catch up on things. I am not knocking myself out for anything though. I am supposed to go out tonight and I really don't want to. I was thinking I haven't done much but work and become a hermit. I have no excitement or anything to look forward to in my life. So now its a effort to do anything. I mean when I think about it, why am I doing this to myself.
I want to gamble so bad right now. Its what I have become accustomed to doing for something to do. I haven't been social for a long long time. I guess I lost that spark that I had, I mean face it I haven't been out for a good night in ages. Work has been the focal thing in my life. I have to do things for myself and remember who I am and what I want.
I am tired of being here in this life and whats come with it. Guess I am feeling a little lonely and lost. I need to get out of this situation. Only way is to get on with it, not work so much and do other things. I am tired today and it shows.
Not much on the man front either, one of my old friends was coming to town but he only passed through, married etc but would have been nice to see him and say HI face to face for a change. I was thinking today the man that I loved is probably fucking his way across Canada now, I am not even thought of. Another reason to get out, but not sure LOL two of the women I am going out with are big mouth opinionated ones....nothing like me at all LOL. I know that my friendships are having a negative effect on me and I don't need that I have come this far.
So now as I read this post I recognise two things with me right now...I am tired and haven't eaten today....well picked at crap but its showing isn't it! I have a big meal planned for myself tomorrow. LOL roast chicken with everything. New potatoes are out so I had to cook my favourite meal! Its this time of year when I see new potatoes I crave , get ready for this LOL, roasted chicken, new potatoes, salt beef, greens, peas pudding, carrots and turnip mashed up with gravy and duff (its pudding baked on top of the chicken about 20 minutes before serving) and maybe some stuffing. Thats my indulgence meal this time of year. I don't have to work now until Monday night and it will be good to be off a couple of days!
So now its round 2 with the laundry and get some food in me and cut up my fruit!

Yahooooo

Took two wire hangers but I got the plastic one out of the lint trap!!

Trying and Trying

OK so I had a bit of a iffy day so far. I went to work, got called in for the afternoon, its all about the money right. So ran into one of the buddies I gambled with, she gave in, she was going on and on about it. It made me want to too :( I am not happy I was doing well, I broke down and bought a few tickets to get that urge out, better a few bucks than a bill payment right. I mean I came home and didn't pay the full amount on a couple of bills but that was because I need to have a little for the dryer problem. I owe about 75 back on a couple of bills but I will make that up later on. So back up to 112 hours now on this pay in a couple of weeks.
I bought a lot of fruit today trying to kick that junk food habit again. I need to be healthier. A handful of fruit and salads is more what I should be eating. I am in a rush to get to another house to work in now so I guess its leftover goulash for my supper.
My mother had the nerve to look insulted when I asked her when she gets paid again. I leant her money against my better judgement and I should have told her no. I am working in this other house tonight because I was assured it was a better place in the night. I also picked up some days over there its going to be hard but after that I am thinking I will be lucky to get my full time hours.
I have to eat and shower once again, the sweat is pouring off me, I am going to yard sales in the morning then out tomorrow night! Wish me luck!
OH yeah anyone wanna clean a house of a woman who is never home but still makes a mess hahahaha!!

BUT you know what.....

I have two wonderful kids, I have a roof over my head, I have food in my cupboard, I have a closet full of clothes and no one is sick, not going to dwell on what I don't have, I am grateful for the life I have, and I have a job. Could be a lot worst, and I don't want that!

Now if I could just get that damn hanger out of my dryer!!! LOL

OK whats wrong with this picture?

So I am a singleish woman on my own. I am struggling right now to get things done in my life, working what I can work to get better back on my feet than what I am. I have a brother who has a good job ( a few bills but he is on good money) a sister who has a good job with a husband who makes good money and one child. So I can't figure out why my mother is bugging me to lend her money. Sure its $20 and I will do it but why not ask my siblings? I just emailed my sister to ask her if mom owes her any money. I have less than $100 to last me until next week. Its a price I am paying for overspending I guess, and after this month I should be better on track with things. August is always a expensive time for me, birthdays, school stuff to buy.

Decluttering

I have to make the attempt to declutter still. Not enough done of that lately. I have a shed full of shit and old stuff, I have to get my clothes and things organized. Might get that done this weekend, if its not too hot or I am not too lazy. Its not being lazy its trying to relax and take care of myself I guess.

Facing Up to Reality

I have been wondering why I am so broke all the time. You know what I am broke because I am becoming a recovering gambler. I am opening my eyes and taking responsibility to my actions. I was never making money on it and buying things with my "winnings" but never paying what I had to with the money I was taking to gamble with. Sure I did fall pretty hard into it for awhile after the relationship ended, but thats no excuse I was getting into it pretty good for awhile. Just boredom and stuff...the gambling counsellor told us the alcoholics anonymous have a thing:
HALT which means:
H=Hungry
A=Angry
L=Lonely
T=Tired

thats the breakdown of it. I think the thing with gambling it should include frustated. Or not enough money, a person who only has $20 is likely to gamble in hopes of making it more. I know thats how I felt and still do feel.
I am having a hard time trying to get into coping with things. I am trying to pay the bills and something always happens to push me back. LOL I lost a plastic hanger in my dryer lint trap last night. My household insurance is almost doubled since last year. I really need a hair cut and the wires have started popping out of my bras! But thats it they will have to go on my list of things I need to do WHEN I get money. But I also need to do some things for me!

Why?

OK so I was looking at some things online that I need. Nothing fancy just some bras and underwear. Why are they so expensive. I can't wear my nice things to work so obviously I need to get everyday things. Bras range in my size from about $17 to $70! Underwear is weird, the regular size is $9 a pair and my size is $10.50! So for the sake of one size I have to pay a extra $1.50 a pair! Nothing fancy just plain high cut cotton panties. So that means that I have to work a whole day (12 hours) to get two bras and two pairs of panties! OK maybe 4 pairs of panties but you know what I mean. But the older ones I have are stained up torn up or as in the case of my bras the wires are popping out :(

Funny

I am tired and sitting here thinking maybe I should lay down and just thinking of things..I need rest LOL
I am wondering if I am borderline scatterbrain? LOL I had on most of my report cards that I need to pay more attention in class that I was a daydreamer. LOL no wonder I am the way that I am better to have my head in the clouds than up my ass though LOL

Thinking about myself

OK just doing a rundown of myself in my head here it goes:
*grew up with a mother who screwed with my self worth and self esteem
*grew up with a dad who had issues, he had a lot of pride
*had big things to overcome, shyness,self esteem, self value and not sure of who I was in life and what I meant to others.
*went a bit crazy when I got old enough had a baby at 19 and gave him up for adoption and then dealing with parents, post natal depression and peer pressure.
*was raped and never told anyone
*went away to school got sick and came home, in the end had to go get tested for brain tumours, turns out three years later that it was migraines contributing to thyroid problems, brought on by the birth control pill
*my friends were controlling, one true friend got married and left me
*insecure in my life, all my friends were getting married and leaving me, I was 100 lbs heavier than before, thought I was turning into a alcoholic, then met my future husband.
*thought he loved me one night when I was in a mood he tells me "good job I am marrying you because no one else will"
*got married, got pregnant and moved to another continent
* had baby by myself with no family support, had to leave room to breastfeed not to offend anyone, dealt with depression and moving.
*night before going to yet another country hubby phones me to inform me he is tired so won't be meeting me at the plane, almost didn't go
*deals with a husband who after 3 months of being on his own drinking doesn't want to do anything with a wife and child who did everything to make sure the move went smoothly because he is tired. Attempted to leave twice
* left that country, went to another one, then moved back to Canada and in the midst of all that find out that I am pregnant.
*move back to canada, go to work, husband doesn't work for months, buy this stupid home and we are trapped
*I have to finish work early so can't qualify for mat leave, he has low paying job, baby is born
* had baby with depression, a according to him now a depressed husband and no money
*told by husband to sleep on couch because the baby keeps him awake, I am tired and despressed and don't have the energy to defend myself but refuses to have sex with him on the couch after one night he throws the used condom on the floor..I am used enough
*go on meds for depression makes me crazier
* take myself off the meds cold turkey and apply for school
* get through school yayyyyyy but he isn't supportive...I have to earn money to pay for my sitter and transport
*end up going to school again after this course is done
* find out that there are people who find me interesting and want to talk and compliment online!! After three years of cutting your own hair, wearing old clothing and not doing anything and being ignored its a nice break
*get caught up with online stuff, men men men, webcams, photos, groups and meeting men face to face....getting tired of it all, I want to be treated better than that.
*Go out one night have only a couple of drinks, wake up in a hotel room with a strange man, don't tell anyone, so ashamed might as well just go with men now....realize wrong move
*meet the man who I fall in love with almost by accident, I am getting bored and don't want to meet anyone else but he peaks my interest.
*turn 40...what do I want in life, to stay with a man who ignores me, puts me down, digs at me but will never admit it, hell he won't even sleep with me, I have made mistakes and need to change that but I cant' be with this man anymore
*confronted and want a divorce, he is shocked, turns nasty for a bit but then things calm down he tries to blame my friend but has nothing to do with him
*i am getting new things and painting he isn't happy but he never was interested in me until I got a better job with a lot better pay...his loss.
* he moves out and has the kids for awhile...PEACE
* been with the man that I love and know I have feelings for him
*working and waiting for him to visit
*getting work done on my home
*still at the same job its stressful but things are going good
*the man that I love decides he wants to be left alone! What about me, how about how I feel, maybe my husband was right no one wants me, not good enough to be loved by anyone and so brokenhearted
*just working and gambling because I am alone, go see a counsellor
* getting things in perspective
*have a bad week at work, decide what am I going to do?
* have recieved application for school
*counsellor is gone but still plodding on

Thats my life kind of so far...gee whats next LOL

Floundering

Thats what I feel like I am doing. I am tired, a little run down and wondering what to do next. I have to work tonight then off for a few days. I am dragging my feet on a few things, things that only take a few minutes to do but right now I am procrastinating. I am thinking now of what to do, I have still my bills to pay and I have new things but I need some personal things. I would like to go get my hair done, do things like that, but in reality clothing is hard to find in this town to fit me.
OK now I think I just had a bathroom breakthough. LOL not exactly the thinker pose but I was in there comtemplating my life. I don't have any excitement or pleasure in it. I work all the time but what do I do when I am not working...nothing. I used to get excited when he would come to town, it was looking forward to something. I didn't excited until I knew he was on his way and I think that was so I didn't get disappointed ( a common thing in my life). In my marriage there was a lot of disappointment. My shopping is because it gave me something to look forward to. Although I do think that I shop because I like nice things, and I used to be pretty smart looking once upon a time. I get overworked, get frustrated and tired and as soon as I get into the clear I start spending again because I am not content, I am not happy and think those things that I buy will make me happy. So I have created a good web for myself.
I was watching a show with Wayne Dyer in it, and I would love to read the book. Its called excuses begone. He had a young man on there who had been in a fire. Makes you think of what dumb excuses we use to not do anything when there is a young man who has no hands learning to tie his shoes and play the drums. LOL shopping again but then again I have to balance myself.
My counsellor is gone now and I may have to wait awhile to get a new one. Small steps and deep breaths. I have to realize that in my life that there was a lot of things that have happened and its not going to change overnight. But I need to change some things soon.

Tired of IT

OK I am tired of the comments on my ex. Mike hasn't called, emailed or written , OH WELL!! Its been 5 months or so I guess, and I am tired of the questions. I said to my husband the other day I am so much calmer in the last little while so maybe he did me a favour. Not so wrapped up in him i have had a chance to get myself in order in a way.
OK so maybe he found a new woman, maybe he had a wife and kids, maybe he was a bigamist, but you know what it doesn't matter now because its over and the sooner they leave it be the sooner I can stop listening to it all! No matter what everyone says I have my own opinion on the man and of what happened but thats mine no one elses and I don't like everyone bringing it up...once again it feels like they know something I don't!

Ug

I am not having a good couple of days. I worked way too much and nothing to show for it! Yeah I know I paid my bills, got a few things started but damn it I want to have money LOL. I did get my salmon yesterday, 7 huge (well not huge but to me they are!) salmon now reside in my freezer. As a aboriginal person I took advantage of the ability to get someone to harvest them for me.

I think one of the reasons why I feel so bleah is the fact that I have been so sore lately. I don't know if its the humidity or what. My joints are screaming a lot of the time and I can't find my pills. I have to work today so I am going to be even sorer. Wish I knew where my tylenol went! Must get ready to go, have to bring a few extras with me, I want to get my turnip greens washed and par boiled to freeze ( I love them and went down to a local farm on Saturday and picked them. I am going to cook off a chicken at work as well, no one likes them over there but I figure cook one off and freeze the meat, good for sandwiches or go on salads.
Long day I do a 8-4 then a 8-8, another 20 hour day and I have to squeeze my gambling group in there as well!

interesting

I am on my new laptop and the one that man gave me the adobe hasnt' been working on it since he gave it to me so I went on to look at my bills i couldn't view before. I just found out that a service I had deleted from my phone bill has still been on my bill. So thats a extra $120 since March I have been paying out. So I emailed them and asked why its still there! I want to get my ex off my phone bill as well. I need to get my life a little more streamlined!

Oh no

Well I had my last counselling session the other day. My counsellor is leaving and I will miss her terribly and now I am wondering if I will need a new one or not. Lifes a bit of a upheaval right now. I need some stimulation!

Annoying People

Well my friend has decided that she is going to do the same program I am going to do, thing is will that woman ever have a original thought in her head. She went to school because I decided to, she can't dress herself without asking me what to wear. LOL at least someone wants to be like me LOL

A little disappointing

I think that I am going to be disappointed when I get my previous marks they are about 3 points lower than the grade I need. BUT I am going to apply anyways, can't hurt and used to some rejection in life but you never know!