Hello Darkness my old friend...its good to speak to you again

I am definately feeling down. Wondering what to do with my life. I am on the track to a career in the social services feild but by the time I get there will there be anything in my life. Suicide slips into my thoughts like a knife into water....just slips in but you know what I am used to those thoughts. Thats all they ever have been were thoughts, never attempts or anything like it. I think its just the idea of nothing happening, no worries, no cares just gone and peace. Never been a option but the thought is still there, just make everything go away for awhile. Not happy these days, but I am tired of being always on, have to be on top of everything and even when I rest its not real rest because its constant the brain is going, my home is a wreck, the kids are a pain in the butt sometimes. I love them don't get me wrong but there are times I just want them to go to their rooms for a few hours or if I come home and the place is spotless, dishes done etc. My sister is going to have my daughter babysit for her this summer and she is ripping her off so bad. Not going to start anything over it but she is going to save herself money by having her there. I am hoping she won't expect her to take care of him in the evenings, she is paying her $20 a day and that should be 8:30 to 4:00 so after that should be my daughters time off. I think she will be sleeping down there for the conveinience of it. Oh well insomnia is in full swing its 3:30 and been up since 2:00 so hoping to get some rest now.
One of the girls in class has left now for a job, can't blame her that leaves 25 now so by the end of August we need to be down to 20.