Another day

Well I did go see my counsellor. I basically fell apart for a hour. I didn't even introduce myself or anything just bang I was upset, telling her everything, how I felt what I had thought of doing to myself etc. I have to go back on Monday and see her again, I pity the poor woman.
Since the end of the relationship with the man I love its been interesting to hear what others have had to say. I know in a way they were trying to make me feel better but after awhile its like gee was I that stupid and gullible? How come I didn't know he was fishy, a liar, a cheater, a married man, a man who had it all his way, I was convinient and was being used. How he kept me where he wanted me to be and how he never had it so good. I have told them I trusted him, I love him, I wasn't waiting for him completely ( I did go out and I do have a job), I could understand the no phone or internet thing ( he explained that to me a long time ago before we even became involved.) and you know I love him (yes I still do) I worry about him and hope he is OK and getting himself sorted out. I felt like I wasn't pressuring him about anything, I didn't have immediate expectations and I thought he loved me like I loved him. Focusing on us when we were together, massaging, rubbing giving affection and attention because it was few and far between for us so take advantage of it while we could. I thought that made our time special.
One of my coworkers is dealing with a similar thing with a man she was involved in. Seems like she is the only one who isn't judging my relationship and I don't judge hers. We understand what each other feels about the men we love. Shame not too many people felt that way.